So I’m in need of help. For those of you who have read my previous posts you would know what’s going on. I really don’t know what to do with my situation. I don’t want to miss the boat on this incredibly perfect guy but I don’t want to get hurt or ruin our friendship.

Has anyone been in this situation before?

WANTED: advice.


Two desolate months

So we dropped him to the airport today so he could go back to Portland for Christmas. I’m going to miss him like crazy but I think it will be great for me to sort out my feelings/ come back to reality.

On another note, he left his jumper in my car. It smells like him. It was also cold today and I didn’t have another jumper, so I put it on. It was he was hugging me.

What a bitter sweet day.

Go on, be more confusing.

Firstly, excuse my Australian sarcasm, because truly Mr X happens to be THE most confusing person ever. The balance of not overthinking and understanding the situation whilst trying avoid ruining our friendship… Is killing me!

So if you read my last post this will make a lot more sense as it is part two to my letter.

The other night he came to my house with his best friend so we could all hang out. Then his friend bailed and it was just us two. This isn’t really normal as we don’t normally hang out us two. All my other friends couldn’t make it so it was just me and Mr X and an unplanned evening.

We decided to go ahead with our picnic idea as he only has a week left in the country before he goes back to the U.S. for Christmas. We went and got take out and the plan was to go sit on the headland over looking the city.
Firstly, he paid for dinner (he is ridiculously chivalrous). Then we trekked it up the pitch black path to get to one of our favourite spots.

I laid out the blankets we brought with us and we just started chatting about life. It was an overcast evening and he was joking and prayed to God to clear the clouds so we could star gaze. 20 minutes later the sky cleared and we watched the most incredible moon-rise and sky fill more and more with stars. It was magical.

The whole time we were just talking and he kept his distance physically. We chatted about everything from our individual future plans, to sayings our parents taught us and everything in between. We ended up talking for 5 hours just lying there and eating and laughing.

As he isn’t from Australia, he doesn’t have a car yet so I let him drive my car when he’s with me and he drove to his place and it was 1am at this point, he looked at me and goes “want to see a really cool view”. Then he took me to a lookout and we sat chatting for another hour (which was of course accompanied by a great musical soundtrack).

Given I am SO into him, it was a magical night. But when we are in a group of people he treats me very equally to everyone else. I don’t know if he just sees me as a good friend or if he is into me. And it’s very hard to know. I don’t want to ruin our friendship as I’ve done that in the past.

And now he’s about to leave for two months. Dammit.

Oh and we went to an awards night with all of our friends the other night and he suited up and FAR OUT he scrubs up well. Ahhhhhh

Vent over.

A letter to Mr X


so we’re going for a dinner picnic in an hour or so with our friends and i need to get a few things off my chest beforehand so i can be the fun, cool, comfortable girl you know rather than the one falling for you.

firstly, I wanted to tell you… that smile of yours drives me crazy. It’s literally the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.

You know when you say little things like “… it made me think of you” or “you’ll do great things” and “you’re the best”… oafnisuehfiarsebfiawerupgawr.

Sometimes I think back to think back to that time you taught me to slow dance on that headland overlooking a lot of the city, and I get carried away, but then I remember that it’s just you. It’s really sweet of you to treat every girl with equal respect and love, not in a player way, but in a caring way. Here’s a secret I have never told: my jealously is cray.

When I hear the song “thinking out loud” I think about slow dancing, laughing and dreaming of the future; I guess it’s all going out on the table now, ha!

But seriously, Mr X, if you didn’t tick off every single thing I have looked for in a guy, then the idea of you leaving in a year to move forever back to America would be much easier to handle, rather it’s not.

What sucks the most is that i’m one in about 50 girls who are into you, why do you have to be so great! Ehhhhhhh….

Right now I feel overwhelmed, insane, like a 15-year-old, silly, crazy and most importantly… into you.

Bye for now. See you in an hour.


Let me introduce myself

I am nineteen, live in Australia, and recently fallen for my best friend. In an attempt to keep my thoughts/ actions sane and cool around him, I have created a space to v e n t . It’s lovely to have you stop and stay and join in this journey with me, and what a journey it will be.

Disclaimer: You have entered a blogsphere where clichés explain my emotions and will therefore be used regularly. Once again, this is a place for me to splurge all my words onto the world wide web, with little tweaking from their origin.

So here’s how it all happened; Earlier this year the most amazing guy ever moved to Australia from Portland, Oregon to study at bible college for one year. I was dating a guy from out of state at the time and I had very few encounters with Mr X (we shall call him this) for the first six months. However, his older sister being close to me, I kept hearing all about this incredible guy.

In June this year, I broke up with my boyfriend at the time to pursue a better lifestyle, and that included becoming closer with a different group of friends, which influenced me positively. Mr X was in this group. I didn’t necessarily notice him at first in a way more than friends but we always ended up hanging out in a group setting, regardless of the group.

One night we were organising a group dinner and everyone else bailed and it ended up being just us two and we went to the beach and ate burgers and chatted for hours. It was crazy, even though it was silent at times, the silence was refreshing. I still saw him as just a great friend at this point as I know his plans are to move back to America at the end of this year. Having been in a long distance relationship before, I am aware of the heartbreak that comes with it and I wasn’t keen to let my heart go there again.

People then started to ask me if I was interested in him/ if we were dating, probably because of the amount we were together. Then one night one of our mutual friends asked me if I would be interested in him and I said no. When he asked me why, I couldn’t give him a reason and that’s when the thoughts of “wow, he’s kinda everything I would ever want in a guy” and “maybe I would be interested.”

If you’ve ever been in this position, you’ll understand how from the moment you admit something like this to yourself, all of a sudden those non-existent emotions are heightened. And that’s exactly what happened. I haven’t felt like this about anyone in a very long time. On that same night our mutual friend triggered those thoughts, I accidently blurted out my thoughts to one of my best girl friends. oh boy.

We are barely ever alone, but I think I like that for right now. The only time we are is when we are driving somewhere and we are the only two in the car, which happens a lot as he doesn’t have a car. Something I like the most about him is his passion he has for life, for that reason he will do a lot of extraordinarily great things in his lifetime. I find it hard to hold back from telling him/ encouraging him in life all the time.

And don’t even get me started on his smile. He’s one of those guys that has an incredibly contagious smile, the sort of person that he known for his happy smile. Between you and I, sometimes it makes me melt a little on the inside. My friend (the only one who knows) isn’t the sort of person that “eggs on” my emotions and doesn’t encourage me to overthink things. She’s great. It was her idea to start this blog, it’s my place to vent, without letting it out into the world where it can grow, because I feel like right now, that’s not meant to happen.

Even if nothing ever happens from this, I know I am so into him, I am jealous at the thought of him being with anyone else and his smile drives me crazy. And he’s the sort of guy that literally ticks off EVERY one of the items on my “list”. He’s quite literally the guy I’ve been waiting to meet.

I guess I kinda, sorta, maybe like him a little more than I originally planned. Oh well, that’s life. Bring on this journey.

Just my place to vent