I am nineteen, live in Australia, and recently fallen for my best friend. In an attempt to keep my thoughts/ actions sane and cool around him, I have created a space to v e n t . It’s lovely to have you stop and stay and join in this journey with me, and what a journey it will be.
Disclaimer: You have entered a blogsphere where clichés explain my emotions and will therefore be used regularly. Once again, this is a place for me to splurge all my words onto the world wide web, with little tweaking from their origin.
So here’s how it all happened; Earlier this year the most amazing guy ever moved to Australia from Portland, Oregon to study at bible college for one year. I was dating a guy from out of state at the time and I had very few encounters with Mr X (we shall call him this) for the first six months. However, his older sister being close to me, I kept hearing all about this incredible guy.
In June this year, I broke up with my boyfriend at the time to pursue a better lifestyle, and that included becoming closer with a different group of friends, which influenced me positively. Mr X was in this group. I didn’t necessarily notice him at first in a way more than friends but we always ended up hanging out in a group setting, regardless of the group.
One night we were organising a group dinner and everyone else bailed and it ended up being just us two and we went to the beach and ate burgers and chatted for hours. It was crazy, even though it was silent at times, the silence was refreshing. I still saw him as just a great friend at this point as I know his plans are to move back to America at the end of this year. Having been in a long distance relationship before, I am aware of the heartbreak that comes with it and I wasn’t keen to let my heart go there again.
People then started to ask me if I was interested in him/ if we were dating, probably because of the amount we were together. Then one night one of our mutual friends asked me if I would be interested in him and I said no. When he asked me why, I couldn’t give him a reason and that’s when the thoughts of “wow, he’s kinda everything I would ever want in a guy” and “maybe I would be interested.”
If you’ve ever been in this position, you’ll understand how from the moment you admit something like this to yourself, all of a sudden those non-existent emotions are heightened. And that’s exactly what happened. I haven’t felt like this about anyone in a very long time. On that same night our mutual friend triggered those thoughts, I accidently blurted out my thoughts to one of my best girl friends. oh boy.
We are barely ever alone, but I think I like that for right now. The only time we are is when we are driving somewhere and we are the only two in the car, which happens a lot as he doesn’t have a car. Something I like the most about him is his passion he has for life, for that reason he will do a lot of extraordinarily great things in his lifetime. I find it hard to hold back from telling him/ encouraging him in life all the time.
And don’t even get me started on his smile. He’s one of those guys that has an incredibly contagious smile, the sort of person that he known for his happy smile. Between you and I, sometimes it makes me melt a little on the inside. My friend (the only one who knows) isn’t the sort of person that “eggs on” my emotions and doesn’t encourage me to overthink things. She’s great. It was her idea to start this blog, it’s my place to vent, without letting it out into the world where it can grow, because I feel like right now, that’s not meant to happen.
Even if nothing ever happens from this, I know I am so into him, I am jealous at the thought of him being with anyone else and his smile drives me crazy. And he’s the sort of guy that literally ticks off EVERY one of the items on my “list”. He’s quite literally the guy I’ve been waiting to meet.
I guess I kinda, sorta, maybe like him a little more than I originally planned. Oh well, that’s life. Bring on this journey.